Marriage

The duties of men and women within a marriage have not changed from the beginning.  God designed men and women to function in certain ways for specific reasons.  The design is still the same; so is our role in his creation.

In so-called ‘modern society’, there are no longer any mothers and fathers - there are only ‘parents’.  They have done away with the roles of the “mother” and the “father”.   The terms “husband” and “wife” are also disappearing from the language of the worldly in Australia.  Now there are only ‘partners’.  To discern between the two in Australia is now called ‘gender discrimination’. They deliberately blur the line between “male and female” and are now teaching young children that girls can be boys and that boys can be girls.  The world happily deludes itself with such notions.  The new age woman is told to express herself in her career, her clothing, and her social activities rather than devoting herself to her family.  These ideas have no place among God’s people!   But we must ask ourselves the question:  Are these worldly ideas being propagated in local churches? 

While preaching about marriage, the local pastor told his congregation, that even though there are differences between men and women; those differences had ‘non (gender) specific applications’.   He told his congregation that what people see as a traditional marriage, in which ‘the husband goes out to work and the wife stays home doing domestic duties’, was simply a product of the industrial age.  He asked, ‘Where in Scripture does it say that the dude goes out and works and the wife stays home and looks after the kids’?   He then perjured himself by telling his congregation, ‘Err, it won’t say that’.

From the very beginning, we were given gender specific roles.  It is obvious (to those of us that have eyes) that only women can become mothers, and only men can become fathers.  It is written,  “Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.” (Gen. 3:20).  Isn’t that a gender specific application?  Eve was not called ‘the parent of all the living’ but “the mother”!   This is what the Lord Jesus said, “‘Haven’t you read’, he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’” (Matt. 19:4-5).  The Lord calls us “male and female”, “father and mother”, “man and wife”.  In this short passage, the Lord Jesus separates the genders three times!  

Husbands and wives have specific duties to one another as well as to God.  We will not find the truth about these duties in psychology textbooks, or romance novels, or in school classrooms (or even in most ‘churches’). 

While some obligations within marriage are the same for both the husband and the wife.  The roles given to men and women are different, and they are God’s commands. 

Paul writes to us about physical intimacy within marriage: “The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourself to prayer.  Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control.” (1 Cor. 7:3-5) 

Clearly, we are being told that the husband and the wife have a mutual obligation in this part of the relationship.  It should not be withheld by either the husband or the wife. 

However, the roles of the man and the woman within the marriage are obviously different.  The husband is given authority over the wife (more about that in the next section) and the wife is called to submit to her husband.  But the husband is also given the responsibility of providing for his wife and children while the wife is given the responsibility of caring for her husband and children at home.   So; in answer to the pastor’s question, ‘Where in Scripture does it say that the dude goes out and works and the wife stays home and looks after the kids’?

Men are told, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Tim. 5:8)  This is not difficult to understand.  Men have been told that if they do not provide for their family, they have denied the faith!

Throughout scripture, men and women are consistently given gender specific instructions.  For example; “I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing.  I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds appropriate for women who profess to worship God” (1 Tim. 2:8-10)

What are the “good deeds that are appropriate for women who profess to worship God”?  The answers in Scripture are clear:  “No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.” (1 Tim. 5:9-10)  Even though these women are widows, they are not encouraged to go out to work in the field.  Having a successful career is not listed among the good deeds that are attributed to faithful women.  The first “good deed” mentioned is “bringing up children”, then, “showing hospitality” etc. etc.  

What about younger widows who still have time to establish a successful career - Are they encouraged to go out working because their husband has died?  No!  Paul’s instructions continue: “I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.  Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.  If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family, she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those who are really in need.” (1 Tim. 5:14-16)  Again, younger women are counselled to have children and manage their homes. 

This is not an isolated teaching for a chosen few, but is consistent throughout Scripture:  “Likewise, teach older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no-one will malign the word of God.” (Titus 2:3-5)  It could hardly be any clearer.  Yet preachers are still denying it because it is not popular.  

What does Scripture say?  “For Adam was formed first, then Eve.  And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner.  But women will be saved through childbearing - if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” (1 Tim. 2:13-15)  It does not say that women will be saved through making smart career moves or breaking through the ‘glass ceiling’.  It says that, “women will be saved through childbearing”.  This is why we are told that younger women should have children and manage their homes. 

It is Adam and Eve that Jesus chose as the example when he spoke about marriage.  Paul also chose Adam and Eve as the example when he wrote to the Ephesian church about the authority within a marriage.   When the apostle Peter wrote about this topic, he chose Abraham and Sarah as examples.  At no time do any of them imply that anything has changed.  They point us to the past - to God’s blueprint - not to the lies of modern culture or of theology. 

These teachings and expectations are not only for an isolated period in time.  They are consistent from the beginning to the end!

This is the way it was in the beginning:  “To the woman he said, ‘I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing, with pain you will give birth to children.  Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.’  To Adam he said. ‘Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it.’  Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.  It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.  By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground’.” (Gen. 3:16-19)  The man and the woman received punishment in line with the roles they were created for.  The woman in childbearing - the man in working the field.  These duties were not the punishment!  For the roles of men and women in God’s creation were established at the beginning.  The punishment was in making these duties painful.

In the book of Matthew, the Lord Jesus is speaking about the future, and where he expects people to be at his return.  He says, “That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of man.  Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left.  Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.” (Matt. 24:39-41)

Jesus was speaking of a time that has not come yet.  He was telling us about the future, not the past.  He says that the men will be out working in the field, but the women will be making flour with a hand mill.  This is not a parable – it is prophecy.  Regardless of what you may think about the specifics (that is, “the field” and “the hand mill”) the fact remains that the Lord separated the duties of the men and the women to the very end!  The women are not out working with the men! 

Does Scripture tell us that women should not have jobs?  No it doesn’t.  But it does tell us that her primary duty is to her children and her husband at home.  If a woman has a part time job to help her husband, and he is happy for her to do it, this is a good thing, as long as it does not hinder her role as a mother.  However, excepting for serious illness or injury, the husband should be the primary provider.

This is no longer taught in most churches because they are trying to keep pace with popular culture rather than preaching the truth.  We are clearly warned about the consequences, when a man refuses to work.  

“Brothers, keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us.  For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example.  We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it.  On the contrary, we worked night and day, labouring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you.  We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow.  For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: ‘If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2 Thess. 3:6-8)

Again, we must look at what God’s word is actually telling us.  “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.” (James 1:22)