Is it true as some claim, that “marital unfaithfulness” is a permissible (legal) ground for divorce?

 

Firstly, the assumption amongst theologians is that a man and woman must be guided by the rules and doctrines of a ‘church’.  These theologians believe a man and woman are joined by a church ceremony.  It follows that they also believe it is their job to decide whether a couple can divorce and subsequently remarry.  This is a false assumption! 

A ‘pastor’ (priest, minister) is just a man, and scripture says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matt. 19:6).   These men claim to have authority that they simply do not have!  It is not the preacher’s job to join us, neither is it his place to either allow or deny divorce.  And it is most certainly not the preacher’s job to hold our marriages together.   It is our job, it should be our primary desire to please the Lord, rather than pleasing ourselves:  “So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” (2 Cor. 5:9-10)

 

When Jesus spoke to the Pharisees and Sadducees about “marital unfaithfulness”, he was speaking to Jews who were still under the law, and they were looking for a ‘legal basis’ for everything.  This should not be true with us, for we are not under the law. 

 

We understand that the Lord came to show us grace and forgiveness.  So we have to ask ourselves the questions:  Why are we looking for a legal ground for divorce?  Are our hearts still that hard?  Are we not willing to show the same grace and forgiveness toward our wives that the Lord has shown us?   Are we denying that we also need forgiveness?

 

This is what Jesus said, “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce’.  But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”  (Matt. 5:31-32)

If we read this scripture and conclude that we are allowed (or even commanded) to divorce a wife who has committed adultery, then we are just as hard hearted as the Pharisees.  

 

The Lord Jesus shows us a better way: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery.  They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.  In the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women.  Now what do you say?’   They were using this question to trap, in order to have a basis to accuse him.  But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.  When they kept questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’  Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 

   At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.  Jesus straightened up and asked her, ‘Woman, is where are they, has no-one condemned you?’  

‘No-one sir,’ she said.  ‘Then neither do I condemn you’ Jesus declared.  ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’” (John 8:3-11)

If the Pharisees and teachers of the law were truly interested in upholding the law of Moses, they would not have brought the adulteress before Jesus by herself, for the law of Moses says - “If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife- with the wife of his neighbour- both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death” (Lev. 20:10).  This is repeated in Deut. 22:22.  It is obvious that the Pharisees and teachers of the law were not concerned with the truth, or they would have brought "both the adulterer and the adulteress" before Jesus.  They were simply being deceitful and trying to trap the Lord with legalistic arguments.

Jesus forced the Pharisees and teachers of the law to look at themselves and recognise their own sin, before judging another.  The Lord made them aware of their own guilt!  He said, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."  This does not mean that the woman was innocent.  But Jesus did not meter out any punishment for the woman, he simply told her to repent - “Go now and leave your life of sin”.

 

We are clearly told about our own guilt in this regard, and the Holy Spirit is here to remind us of these things.  The Lord told us, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery’.  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:27-28)  Can any man truthfully say that he has never been guilty of this?  Can a man judge his wife because of her sin but fail to recognise his own?  We should look at ourselves honestly, before condemning another, just as the Lord forced the teachers of the law and the Pharisees to do.  If we truly recognise our own failings, and the magnitude of the Lord’s forgiveness toward us, how can we condemn another - especially our own wives? 

 

It is written clearly, “Do not judge and you will not be judged.  Do not condemn and you will not be condemned.  Forgive and you will be forgiven.  Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For the measure you use will be measured to you” (Luke 6:37-38)

And again it says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives” (1 John 1:8-10)

 

What was Jesus actually telling the Pharisees about divorce?

The Lord said, “It has been said that anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.  But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (Matt. 5:31-32)  Again, we must remember that at the time Jesus spoke these words, the people he was speaking to were still under old covenant law.  The punishment for adultery was not divorce - it was death by stoning!  Jesus told them that a man “causes” his wife to become an adulteress by divorcing her.  This is because she likely to marry another man while her husband is still alive.  And we have already read, “anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”  In saying that the man “causes her to become an adulteress” by divorcing her, Jesus is placing the responsibility for her adultery fairly and squarely on the shoulders of the husband (unless the wife has already been unfaithful).  Jesus was telling the Pharisees, that if a man divorced his wife, he was causing her to commit a sin, which was punishable by death! 

 

Again, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.  But it was not that way from the beginning.  I tell you that any one who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matt. 19:8-9)

Jesus said that Moses ‘permitted’ them to divorce because they were ‘hard hearted’.  It would be just as ‘hard hearted’, if we now read the words ‘except for marital unfaithfulness’ and conclude that any woman guilty of this offence deserves to be divorced!  We would be acting in exactly the same manner as those who brought the adulteress before Jesus! Our default response should always be forgiveness.  The same forgiveness as the Lord himself has shown to us.