Throughout the New Testament, we are pointed to the past for instruction about marriage.  I do not want anyone to mistakenly think that I am saying we are under the law.  We are not.  But, Just as the Lord Jesus did, I am using old covenant Scripture to make a point.  The nature and purpose of marriage did not change when God’s covenant with Abraham was replaced with a better and lasting one.  This is the reason that the Lord Jesus and the apostles used Old Testament examples, when they taught people about marriage.

 

The old covenant was made up of many laws, rituals and ceremonies, which were given to show the Israelites how to live their lives in a way that pleases God.  They cover all aspects of life, yet there was no law regarding a wedding ceremony! 

 

There is much said in the book of Deuteronomy about whom a man should or should not marry, but there is no directive about any ceremony or the vows which people normally associate with such an event.  This does not mean that ceremonies and vows did not take place.  But it does mean that these ceremonies were never a requirement of God’s law.  In fact, when we read the law in context, it is very clear what a man must do to become a husband. (That is, to become “one flesh” with a woman)

For example, “When you go to war against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman an are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife.  Bring her into your home and make her shave her head, trim her nails and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured.  After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she will be your wife.” (Deut. 21:10-13)

There is no ceremony required.  There are no pledges or oaths between the man and the woman.  There are no witnesses.  It simply says, “then you may go to her and be her husband and she will be your wife”.  Go where?  They are already living in the same house!  They are not told to go to the temple to be joined by a priest.  The man is simply told to “go to her”.   It is not an oath or a ceremony that makes a man and woman “one flesh”, it is the physical act of joining together.  This must remain an exclusive act between a husband and wife for life.

 

The sexual union is what makes a man and woman “one flesh”. Obviously, if a man has this physical union with someone other than his wife, it is “adultery”.  No believer should ever have sexual relations with anyone that they do not intend to spend their entire life with.  This physical union is holy – it is a gift from God and should be appreciated as such.  It is what brings a man and a woman together as “one flesh” and must be exclusive for life!  It is written, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ Himself?  Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?  Never!  Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her body?  For it is said ‘the two will become one flesh’.” (1 Cor. 6:15-16)

Even a fleeting union with a prostitute is referred to as becoming “one flesh”.   Paul is quoting the same passage of scripture that the Lord Jesus quoted about marriage, and applying it to a man having sex with a prostitute.  Clearly, he is telling us that the physical union joins us as “one flesh”, and Scripture says, “those whom God has joined together, let no man separate”. 

 

Jesus used Adam and Eve as the example of what “God has joined”.  Adam and Eve did not have a wedding ceremony, and there were no witnesses to establish any vows being made, for Adam and Eve were the only humans alive at the time.  When Eve was created, the Lord simply brought her to the man:  “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.  The man said, ‘This is now the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh’, she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of a man.’   For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife’ and they will become one flesh.  The man and his wife were naked and they felt no shame.” (Gen. 2:23-25).  So woman was made for man, and given to man by God himself.  From that point onward, Eve is simply called “his wife”.  

 

It says, “for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife”.  It is obvious that there were no fathers or mothers at the time this was spoken.  Adam and Eve were the only two humans alive.  But in this statement, God made his purpose clear from the beginning.   God has clearly designed man and woman to be joined together in a specific way, and this joining makes us “one flesh”.  This union is also what leads to us becoming fathers and mothers.   This is why we are told - “Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.” (Gen.3:20)  Eve was made to be Adam’s “wife”.  She was also made to be a “mother”.   This was God’s intention from the beginning, and this is clear in the way that we are made.

 

There are many examples of marriage in the Old Testament.  Sarai was Abram’s wife, and this is well known.  But Sarai also gave her maidservant to Abram “to be his wife”.  The meaning and the intention of this are clear in the passage:  “Now Sarai, Abram’s wife had borne him no children.  But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar, so she said to Abram, ‘The Lord has kept me from having children.  Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her’.  Abram agreed to what Sarai said.  So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife.  He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.” (Gen. 16:1-4).  There is no ceremony here.  There are no pledges or witnesses.  Sarai simply said “Go sleep with my maidservant”.  Then it says that Sarai gave her maidservant to her husband “to be his wife” and “he slept with her”.  As it was in the beginning, the purpose is clear - to become “father and mother” by joining as “one flesh”.  

 

Eventually, Abraham and Sarah had their own child.  Isaac was the promised son, through whom the nation of Israel was to come.  This makes Isaac’s marriage one of the most important events in the history of mankind, because Isaac and his wife would be the parents of Israel.  However, once again, there is no mention of a wedding ceremony to join them together.   

When Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac, he said, “Swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac’.” (Gen. 24:3-4)  

 

The servant did as Abraham told him.  When the servant found a woman who was willing to marry Isaac, he simply took her back with him.  There were no long-term wedding plans or engagements.  Her parents did not go with them to take part in a public ceremony.  Rebekah’s brother and father simply told the servant to take Rebekah and go:  “Laban and Bethuel answered, ‘This is from the Lord; we can say nothing one way or the other.  Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.’” (Gen. 24:50-51).

 

If a wedding ceremony truly joined a man and a woman together, then surely such an important union would require one.  However, we read something entirely different in the following passage.  “Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev.  He went out into the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching.  Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac.  She got down from her camel and asked the servant, ‘who is that man in the field coming to meet us?’   ‘He is my master’ the servant answered.  So she took her veil and covered herself.  Then the servant told Isaac all he had done.  Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah.  So she became his wife and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” (Gen. 24:62-67)  There is no ceremony recorded here.  There are no vows exchanged or witnesses to the union.

 

There is something else very important to be noticed in this passage regarding the use of oaths.  We know that oaths were being used at the time of Isaac’s marriage, because we are clearly told that the servant of Abraham was required to swear an oath regarding where he would find a wife for Isaac.  It says, “Swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites”.  So the servant of Abraham was required to swear an oath regarding where he would find a wife for Isaac.  But there is no oath between Isaac and Rebekah.  It simply says, “Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah.  So she became his wife”. 

This is how ‘Young’s Literal Translation’ renders the same verse: “and Isaac bringeth her into the tent of Sarah, his mother, and he taketh Rebekah, and she became his wife” (Young's Literal Translation of the Holy Bible, Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, Michigan).   It doesn’t say that he took her to church, it just says, he took her, and she became his wife.